14 Days: No…. Just No – DeadMan’s The Sentinel “Review”
For people like me, old movies are pretty awesome. They remind me of a time when movies that were considered original were actually original. When every other movie put out wasn’t an expensive rip-off of a lower budget but usually much better Japanese movie. But then we get something like The Sentinel, something that on paper sounds really interesting, but then when I tried to watch it I couldn’t even make it through it. So, here’s my review of what I saw of it.
The movie is about woman who moves into a brownstone apartment complex. Once there, a blind priest tells her that the building is gateway to hell. He is its guarding and this woman is his replacement… You know, just because. Now, this premise is pretty good. It had a lot of potential and could have been one of the movies from the 70’s that I loved, but as I said above that is not the case.
The intro to the movie is just a montage of the main character, who is a model, doing what she does. There’s this one part in the montage where she and a friend of hers are out in a field shaking their hair, but their doing it in reverse. Why, you ask? I have no fucking idea.
All the performances in the movie are stiff, even for 1970’s standards. All the lines of dialogue from the main character are really poorly delivered, and the chemistry between her and her boyfriend is absolutely terrible. The blind priest, who I only saw once, didn’t even really look that blind. He even stared at the main character when she found the place.
There was this one sequence in the movie that I did not understand in the least. The model was standing in a hallway in her house when she sees a younger version of herself come in the door. She watches herself walk down the hall and open a door. Inside, her skeleton of a father is naked in bed with a skinny chick and fat chick, eating something I assume is cake because there are party decorations littering the room. The old man gets out of bed and slaps his daughter a couple of times while the ladies are laughing. The girl goes to the bathroom, roles up her sleeve and with something resembling a sharp piece of glass (Where the fuck did she get that, by the way?) and slits her wrists. Her dad then comes in, wearing nothing but his undies, with his lady friends and they just stare at her. Then it shows older her standing in the hallway crying and rubbing her wrists, which have absolutely no sign of being slit at any point in her life.
This movie is a fucking terrible piece of cinema, that no one should ever see.
Final Score: 0/5